Smoking History
Prep & Lead Up
Week One
Week Two
Rest of Month One
Month Two
Month Three
And So Forth

And So Forth


A little over 4 months as an ex-smoker. I made it through the inauguration of Smirky the Chimp without smoking. I made it through the confirmation of the lard-anointed prig, John Ashcroft, without smoking. I am watching the Democrats bend over and present, exactly as I expected them to do, without smoking. Apparently, I actually don't smoke anymore. I'm not entirely happy about it, but the cravings and thinking about it have diminished considerably in the last six weeks. Last night I went to a party and, for the first time in an organized social situation, did not feel the least bit deprived while not creeping out at regular intervals to smoke in the rain with the other smoking boneheads. This might be a breakthrough of sorts.

My numbers? Well, here: Four months, three days, 14 hours & 21 minutes without a single puff on a cigarette. A fairly stunning 4430 cigarettes not smoked, saving $886.48. The actuaries say that I'm going to live an additional 2 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours & 10 minutes.

Lately, I have been tested repeatedly and, to date, have successfully resisted temptation. I've hung out with smokers and not bummed, although that's been rugged at times. I've had to scuttle away from the cigarette racks at the grocery store, muttering to myself. My diet has suffered, and I've gained back a little of the weight it was so frigging hard to lose. But, I don't smoke. I guess that's a good thing.

So, I'm going to continue to watch as His Royal Fraudulency & his minions openly attempt to turn the USA into a Theocracy. And, not smoke.

There are scores of thousands of human insects who are ready at a moment's notice to reveal the will of God on every possible subject. --George Bernard Shaw

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Still not smoking. More and more it's turning into simply, "I don't smoke". There are still tough moments, but they are fewer and fewer. There've been long car trips, boring waits, tense times, critical quick decision making, etc. All of these previously defined, or at least punctuated, more or less, by endless cigarette smoking.

No more.

Numbers? Here: Six months, three weeks, six days, 22 hours & 56 minutes without a single puff. That'd be 7346 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,561.54. Life saved: 3 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 10 minutes.

Otherwise, I've gained back most of the weight I lost prior to quitting smoking. This is due far more to eating crap rather than any metabolic weirdness from quitting smoking. I'm working hard on getting my eating back on track.

George Bush is still "president". Wow. So far it's even worse than I thought it would be...we may actually be getting the governing we deserve. That's not a good thing.

More as it comes up...

...the idea of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive. It will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. I like a little rebellion now and then. It is like a storm in the Atmosphere. --Thomas Jefferson

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<Insert the usual excuses. Something or other about why I haven't updated this "diary" in almost 4 months.>

The most important thing: I still don't smoke. The numbers? Ten months, two weeks, three days, 9 hours and 28 minutes without any cheating whatsoever. An amazing 11248 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,530.98. Life saved: 5 weeks, 4 days, 1 hour, 20 minutes.

When you get right down to it, the key to quitting smoking is the "not cheating". As long as you're "slipping" (even just once in a great while), or you're just going to have "one", you are still a smoker. You're a smoker in the horrible grip of constant withdrawal...which will only get better when you finally go through the necessary pain of stopping completely. My personal observation (now that I have some months under my belt) is that NRT (Nicotine Replacement Therapy) is not the best way to go...I may be wrong, but it seems to me that people on the patch or using gum are more likely to slip and then fall. Hell, with the success stats being what they are (3% +/-), essentially everyone is going to slip and fall. It does seem to me that Cold Turkey alone or Cold Turkey supported by Zyban/Wellbutrin has a slightly higher success factor.

However, my mantra and my advice to anyone quitting is: Whatever it takes.

In other news, we seem to be getting the government that we so richly deserve. Since we didn't rise up in outrage over Smirky the Chip and his handlers openly stealing the Presidency, then their behaving as if they have a mandate is completely appropriate. We are, collectively, spineless buffoons.

Completely Gratuitous Advice to some groups of folks wishing to survive the Bush II "Administration":

For the gals: Look up "submission" in the nearest dictionary and dust off practicing it. You'll be a lot happier. Trust me. Oh, by the way, good fucking luck getting an abortion. Unless you're rich. Then, no problem.

Gay? Clean out that closet and hop back in...you're about to start hearing a lot of "Hate the sin, love the sinner" blather from on high, which you will recognize as actually meaning "You'll be roasting in a lake of fire for all eternity, you pervert. Although we may say, 'Hate the sin, love the sinner', we hate the sinner and have an unhealthy and unnatural fascination/obsession with the basest details of the 'sin'."

Sick? You better hope you can get the hell out of the USA for health care. We've decided that unless you have buckets of money, you don't deserve to be healthy, housed or well-educated. Gotta problem with that? Perhaps you should vote next time, Bucky.

Poor? You don't have a chance. Of course, you haven't have had a chance under any Democratic President since FDR either, so, just continue on as before. You're used to it, aren't you? Nothing will actually change for you, unless you can afford a newspaper...then you might notice that you're getting blamed for more things than usual. Doesn't matter though. Sorry we can't help. Carry on.

Middle-aged Straight White Guys? Don't do anything. As usual, it'll all be handed to you on a plate. (If you're stupid, I suppose you could do some whining about taxes, "father's rights" or whatever the fuck is left of affirmative action...but hey, it'd be best if you'd just be quiet and take, take, take, as usual. You got all that undeserved power and respect for free...why whine about what little you may not have personally snagged?)

More later...if they don't haul me away.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality. -- Fran Lebowitz

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I seem to be rapidly approaching a year without smoking. I actually must have quit smoking for real, because I watched New York in flames, watched the Pentagon fall partially down, and am now watching G.W. Bush attempt to act presidential in a terrible national crisis...and I've done it all without smoking.

 I have, however, wanted to smoke more than I have for months this last week.

God help us.

Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither Liberty nor safety.
-- Benjamin Franklin, Pennsylvania Assembly, Nov. 11, 1755

What great luck for rulers that people do not think. --Adolph Hitler

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It's been a number of months since I've updated this little weblog. Hey, I still don't smoke. I still miss it a little...but the distance from the initial pain of the quit makes me realize how insane and stupid it was for me to smoke so much and for so long. The distance also gives me the perspective to realize how much damage I did to myself. Teeth? History. Lung capacity? Undoubtedly permanently reduced. Maybe I'll dodge the death bullet...maybe not. Regardless, I have given myself the chance to dodge it.

Here are my numbers...which are pretty cool: One year, six months, six days, 19 hours without a puff. A fairly astonishing 19382 cigarettes not smoked, saving $4,361.50, which I wish I could say I have, but I suspect I spent every penny of it and more on really good chocolate. Life saved, so they say: 9 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours & 10 minutes.

I am a big fat pig right now. This may have something to do with quitting smoking, but it has a hell of a lot more to do with lying around not exercising and eating fistfuls of cheetos. I currently attempting to turn around from big fat pigdom to ordinary balding thickset middle-aged guy. This involves turning back into a gym rat (Ouch. No, really, ouch!), and cutting way back on the Ho-Hos.

Other not-so-surprising news: I still firmly believe George Bush is a bonehead...not just a bonehead, but a mean, slightly dim puppet of a bonehead. The fucking Repuglicans stole the election using a corrupt Supreme Court and have now wrapped themselves in the flag. As I've said before, if most people want to support him/them, go for it. I'm a straight middle-aged white guy; he/they won't be making me suffer in any fashion except psychologically. The tax cuts will simply provide me with more excellent gin.

And I believe I'll go have some now...

This land is your land and this land is my land -- sure -- but the world is run by those who never listen to music anyway.  --Bob Dylan

I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people. --Ed Bluestone

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Surprise! I'm still not smoking. Last week I had my landmark 1000th day as a non-smoker. It still amazes the hell out of me that I've done it.

And yes, I'm still keeping stats, because they are quite stunning: Two years, nine months, three days, 11 hours and 53 minutes without a single puff. Check this: 35,227 cigarettes not smoked, saving $7,926.15 at 2000 prices, which in Washington State were at least $1.50 a pack lower than today's prices. Life saved, so they say: 17 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 35 minutes.

I'm still a big fat pig, although there are changes afoot there. I went to the doc a couple of months ago...for the first time in 25 years (because I'm such a smart guy) and was told I'm diabetic. So, everything changes. In order to avoid going blind, losing toes, feet and other precious extremities, dying way too early, and other ugly aspects of diabetes, I have to get in shape, change food habits totally and stab myself regularly. If I get it together, I may be able to avoid not only insulin, but other diabetic drugs, as well. I would have had to add "Quit Smoking, you moron!" to that, as well, but, hey, I already did! So, I'm really back in the gym, seeing evil Carl the Trainer on a regular basis, and learning a whole new way to eat.

I'll check back in when there is either new news on my smoking, or we've come to our senses and not re-elected the disgusting liar George W. Bush and his evil posse for a second term.

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. --Dwight Eisenhower, 1953 speech

We must be willing to get rid of the life we have planned, so as to
have the life that is waiting for us.
--Joseph Campbell

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Just checking in for this New Year. Yes, I'm still a non-smoker. Yes, I still miss it. That has settled down to perhaps where it will remain forever. Every once in awhile I think, "Man, I wish I could have a smoke right now." Then the thought passes. So, cigarettes have joined with a number of other things that I might think I'd like to do or use, but have gone by the bye. Bye.

Yes, I still keep stats. Well, my computer keeps them...so here they are: Three years, three months, one day, 11 hours & 54 minutes without one single puff. 41597 cigarettes not smoked, saving $9,359.73, figured at the considerably lower cigarette prices of over 3 years ago. Life saved: 20 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 25 minutes...Whatever will I do with the time? It's getting up to where I could write another book in the life-saved time. Nah. I'll probably just lie around and watch TV. Oh, and not smoke. And bitch about the good old days when Americans were smart enough to not fall for the incredible piles of horseshit dropped by right wing Republicans and fundamentalist religious fanatics of all stripes. Hey, you kids! Get the fuck off my lawn!

Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough.

"...handguns are truly at their best when they are used to fight your way to a rifle." Clint Smith - American Handgunner

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September 4th, 2005

A couple of people have told me lately that they still check in here.

OK, I'll feed the monkey. Money. Money makes the monkey dance, as Nil Lara put it a few years ago.

I. Still. Don't. Smoke. Ha! I believe I may actually have beaten the evil monkey cigarettes. Once in awhile I get a craving, but it is entirely manageable.

Still keep stats, though: Four years, eleven months, three days, 11 hours, 27 minutes and 46 seconds since I took my very last puff. That's a stunning 62981 cigarettes not smoked, saving $14,170.88 and that's at almost 5 years ago much cheaper cigarette prices. Life saved: 31 weeks, 1 day, 16 hours, 25 minutes.

Just for the record...I'm still a big fat pig. Geeze. I need to get back into a real exercise routine. My workout pal Rochelle isn't interested in the gym drill anymore. I fired the evil Carl as a personal trainer, and then immediately rehired him as an agent to work for me. I tried with a new trainer at a new gym, but haven't kept up with it. I'm now considering doing a weight loss web site similar to this one, since I guess only the fear of public humiliation will get me to do anything.

As far as quitting smoking in general goes? Well, I'm not dead. And I might very well have been if I had continued to smoke. I've has some health problems show up (diabetes, etc.) which were helped along by my previous smoking, but which would have been much *much* worse if I was still a smoker. And, let's see...I don't smell really bad all the time, which at least the world's best girlfriend very much appreciates.

Do I still miss it? Yes. Sorry. But, I can handle it. And so can anyone else who gets this far...

"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."  Oscar Wilde

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July 24th, 2006

So somehow I managed to completely screw up the HTML of this site, which was started in Hot Dog, migrated to FrontPage, then migrated to Dreamweaver, and now I'm working on it back in FrontPage 2003. In the process I lost of couple of updates between the previous one and this one...and I don't even recall what they were about...except maybe to tell you I'm not dead. Oh, and not smoking. And probably to bitch about the Bushiviks. But hey, you gotta admit, I was more than a little prescient in the 5+ years of previous comments. They actually are, as anyone except a total fucking moron can plainly see, totally incompetent lying shitbags, exactly as I said. More than I thought even. For instance, who coulda thought that John Ashcroft would be replaced by a torture justifying lapdog Hispanic dude openly acting as Bush's personal attorney while collecting the paycheck of Attorney General. (Remember, what you may think is hyperbole today...)

And yes, I'm still keeping stats. Here they are: Five years, nine months, three weeks, two days, 13 hours and 47 minutes without a puff of tobacco. 74,290 cigarettes not smoked, saving $16,715.27. Life saved: 36 weeks, 5 days, 22 hours, 50 minutes, according to the actuaries. Do I still miss them? Yes. Is it hard not to smoke? Not anymore. Finally.

So, until the next update...One. More. Time.: If I can quit smoking, I swear on all that's holy you can quit smoking. Please do.

"Having been called names, one looks back at one's own angry outbursts over the years, and I recall having once referred to Republicans as "hairy-backed swamp developers, fundamentalist bullies, freelance racists, hobby cops, sweatshop tycoons, line jumpers, marsupial moms and aluminum-siding salesmen, misanthropic frat boys, ninja dittoheads, shrieking midgets, tax cheats, cheese merchants, cat stranglers, pill pushers, nihilists in golf pants, backed-up Baptists, the grand pooh-bahs of Percodan, mouth breathers, testosterone junkies and brownshirts in pinstripes." I look at those words now, and "cat stranglers" seems excessive to me. The number of cat stranglers in the ranks of the Republican Party is surely low, and that reference was hurtful to Republicans and to cat owners. I feel sheepish about it."  Garrison Keillor

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December 30th, 2007

Ah, the Bush years continue. Great stuff, eh? Well, except for all the dead people, the economy circling the drain and the prospect of another year of watching the Dems bending over and taking it up the caboose on demand whenever Bush feels like he needs him some.

Sure, like I'm exaggerating. The only good news is that I still don't smoke.

I'm still keeping stats. Here they are: Seven years, two months, four weeks, one day, 17 hours, 10 minutes without a single puff. 105,868 cigarettes not smoked, saving $21,174.06 in Clinton dollars! Life saved: 1 year, 3 days, 14 hours, 20 minutes.

So, until the next update...One. More. Time. (and I'll repeat myself...): If I can quit smoking, I swear on all that's holy you can quit smoking. Please do.

"Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country."  FDR

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September 20th, 2009

Still don't smoke. That's right, made it through the entire administration of George W. Bush without one goddamed puff on a cigarette. Whew!

Now it's time for me to lose all the weight I've gained over the past almost 9 years since I quit smoking. that would be about...here, let me say it out loud...about 100 pounds. I'm actually going to go for losing 130 pounds; I'm currently nudging right up against 300 lbs., I intend to get down to 170 or a little less.

Blogging my quitting smoking made a real difference for me. So, I'm going to blog my weight loss...here's the URL: http://IncredibleShrinkingDick.com. This will be the very last update to this Quit Smoking blog, unless I start smoking again...all further ranting will be done at http://IncredibleShrinkingDick.com.

And yes, I do still keep stats. Eight years, eleven months, two weeks, five days, 15 hours, 20 minutes since I quit smoking. Not. One. Puff. Since. 131065 cigarettes not smoked, saving $26,213.11. Life saved: 1 year, 12 weeks, 2 hours, 5 minutes.

See you at: http://IncredibleShrinkingDick.com

Over and Out.

"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club." --Dave Barry

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